How to Cope When Life Feels Overwhelming (See the Donut, Not the Hole)

"How do you cope with everything you've got going on?" It's a question I hear often, and the answer might surprise you.

After 30 years teaching cooking to 50,000+ students, I've developed some practices for managing overwhelm. 

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Coping with overwhelm isn't about fixing everything - it's about focusing on what's here, what's good, what's working. See the donut, not the hole.

After my last newsletter, a lot of you reached out with some version of the same question:

“How do you cope with everything you’ve got going on?”

Here’s the short answer: this is why I meditate.

I started meditating in my twenties, mostly because I was anxious. Meditation gave me a tiny bit of space—a pause. Over time, that pause became something I could lean on. It didn’t fix everything, but it helped me face things with a little more steadiness.

That said, meditation isn’t the only thing that helps me cope.

Sometimes I need something less quiet. Less deep. Less anything. Sometimes I just need to distract myself, or get out of my head completely.

Here are some of the things I turn to when life feels heavy or overwhelming:

• Getting outside

• Cooking (Check out my meditation, Floating in the Kitchen on how to use cooking as a coping strategy below)

• Writing (not beautifully—just scribbling it out)

• Painting or doodling with no purpose

• Taking a hot shower or bath

• Watching something funny and ridiculous (Legally Blonde is my GO TO)

• Saying no

• Saying yes to time with people I love

• Doing something kind for someone else

• Taking a nap

• Putting my phone in another room

• Letting myself cry (or laugh, or both)

• Not pretending I have it all together

• Sound baths

• Singing

• Saying “this is hard” out loud

  
  

Also, a friend recently gave me the best reminder:

“See the donut, not the hole.”

In other words: focus on what’s here. What’s good. What’s working. What’s delicious and full and right in front of you.

I’m not trying to sugarcoat anything. Life is hard sometimes. But for me, focusing on what’s still good isn’t bypassing—it’s surviving. It’s living. It’s choosing to keep going in the middle of it all.

One foot in front if the other.

I hope something on this list reminds you that it’s okay to do what gets you through.

You don’t need to fix anything. Just remember—see the donut, not the hole. 

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