What a 6 A.M. Burrito Taught Me About Boundaries

Summer arrives like an unexpected houseguest - welcome but wonderfully disruptive. Kids are home from school or shuffling between camps, sleep schedules dissolve like ice cream on hot pavement, and suddenly everyone’s hungry at the most inconvenient moments. It’s during these beautifully chaotic times that we need kitchen boundaries most, yet feel least equipped to maintain them.

Let me paint you a picture from last week: 6 AM, I just woke up. My 16-year-old appears, bleary eyed and declaring he hadn’t slept, asking if I could make him something to eat. Logic whispered, “Tell him to wait thirty minutes.” But then mom guilt kicked in — that persistent, irrational force that overrides all reason. We were out of eggs and most breakfast staples, so at 6 a.m., half-asleep, I got creative slicing onions, peppers, and chicken, gathering spices, cheese, avocado, and tortillas. Twenty minutes later, I’d crafted a killer breakfast burrito from what we had on hand.

“Breakfast is ready!” I called out, only to find him fast asleep in his room.

I laughed at myself, but it was the kind of laugh that comes with a lightbulb moment. That’s when it hit me: summer doesn’t require a new meal plan — it requires new boundaries (advice I’ve been giving families for 30 years but clearly still need to remind myself of). When our regular rhythms get scrambled, we often abandon the very boundaries that keep us sane. There’s no shame in this — we’re human, we adapt, we want to nurture our people. But summer doesn’t have to mean surrendering your sanity to spontaneous meal requests.

The truth is, there’s no right or wrong way to set kitchen boundaries. They’re deeply personal, shaped by your energy levels, family dynamics, and what brings you peace versus what sends you spiraling. Some parents thrive on the spontaneous dance of summer cooking; others need structure to stay grounded. Both approaches are valid.

Your kitchen boundaries might look entirely different from your neighbor’s, your sister’s, or even what they looked like last summer. The key is knowing what yours are and honoring them without guilt.

Here are some approaches that I have suggested to families over the past 30 years — pick what resonates and leave the rest.

How To Create Kitchen Boundaries

Time-Based Boundaries:

• Establish specific meal and snack times, even during summer’s loose schedule

• Create “kitchen closed” hours when you’re not available for food prep

• Designate one day a week as a “fend-for-yourself” day with pre-prepped options

Energy-Based Boundaries:

• Before 8 AM and after 8 PM, only grab-and-go options are available

• Set a “ask me in 30 minutes” rule when you’re not mentally ready to cook

• Create different availability levels: “green light” (happy to cook), “yellow light” (simple requests only), “red light” (kitchen is closed)

Preparation Boundaries:

• Stock specific areas with kid-accessible snacks and easy meal components

• Prep breakfast and lunch components on Sunday so weekday requests are manageable

• Keep an “emergency meal” rotation of 5-minute options for unexpected hunger strikes

Communication Boundaries:

• Teach family members to check in about timing: “When would be a good time to ask for food?”

• Create a family meal planning session each week so everyone knows what to expect

• Use a kitchen whiteboard to communicate your availability and meal plans

Self-Care Boundaries:

• Protect your morning ritual — whether that’s coffee, meditation, or simply waking up slowly

• Give yourself permission to say, “I need 20 minutes, then I’m happy to help”

• Remember that teaching independence around food is a gift, not neglect

Flexibility Boundaries:

• Choose one spontaneous cooking request per day that you’ll happily fulfill

• Create “yes days” and “structure days” so you can plan your energy accordingly

• Allow yourself to change boundaries as summer progresses and you learn what works

The goal isn’t to become a rigid food dictator or to abandon your nurturing instincts. It’s about creating a framework that honors both your family’s needs and your own well-being. Some days you’ll make that impromptu burrito with joy; other days you’ll lovingly direct them to the pre-cut fruit and yogurt in the fridge.

Summer’s gift is its flexibility, but that doesn’t mean you have to bend until you break. Your kitchen boundaries are yours to define, adjust, and protect. There’s profound freedom in knowing what they are.